Wake-Up Call

On another note, I was just thinking a lot about stuff these couple of days.. Yesterday I went to the Changi airport viewing gallery and spent some quiet time alone..
What led to this pensive mood was the quarrel with my mum two days ago.. It's a long story and it's not nice to wash dirty linen here.. But the thing is that I blew my top la.. I just lost it totally.. Yup good old soon wee can get angry.. I am not as nice as everyone thinks.. Ok I have to admit I think I have quite a good temper and I don't get angry easily.. Or at least I won't show my anger easily.. But I guess God is using this to show me that I am as sinful as anyone else, and not as good as I think I am.. I guess I was getting even proud of myself and judging others..
But through these 2 days of reflection, I think that I wasn't good at all.. God is showing me how sinful a person I am.. For one, on the outside, I look benign and holy-moly.. But on the inside, sinful thoughts run wild and there is a lot of buried anger and dissatisfaction.. I mean I find it easy to be a nice guy to outsiders, put on a smile, say nice things.. no vulgarities, no alcohol, no quarrels with anyone.. But at home, when there is no one to display my holiness to, at best I am indifferent to my family members or I spend a lot of time outside home and studying in school.. At worst, the anger and dissatisfaction will spill over like on Thursday..
I am also selfish, only thinking about myself and my own happiness..
I am judgmental, thinking I am a better person than so-and-so..
Petty..
Impatient..
But I think the biggest problem is still indifference.. I just don't care.. And I guess that gives people the wrong impression that I am nice.. Cos I am indifferent.. I will just try my best not to step on other people's toes.. I don't care whether they are stepping on each others' toes..
In summary, I am not a good person.. But I am glad God is showing me how rotten I am, and how in need I am of his grace and mercy.. In the past few months, I have become so complacent that I hardly pray, and when I pray, it is half-hearted.. It is as if I no longer need God's help.. that I am good enough..
I think this is the kind of discipline God is talking about in Hebrews.. I am going through all these turmoil because of God's discipline.. and because He loves me..
So I am really thankful.. And I am thankful for what happened 2 days ago.. Cos it brought me closer to God.. And a realignment of my life and my plans..
Attending today's wedding also served as an encouragement to me.. Especially when I saw Kevin's sincere words to his mum and dad.. That really touched me and reminded me of how unfilial I have been..
And it reminded me of what a Christian relationship should be like.. that it is not about 2 people madly in love with each other in oblivion to the people around them.. but a good godly Christian relationship is always outward looking and always involving the people around them..
So all in all, it was a good wake-up call, to submit to God and to ask God for forgiveness..
Anyway, after the wedding, I prayed with S and I got a box of chocolates for my mum.. Wanted to write a card.. But in the end, I think I felt too embarrassed to do so.. But the chocolates did the trick.. Or rather, I think 3 words did the trick la -- "Dui bu qi".
I thank God for giving me the courage to say "I am sorry".. And to mean it.. sometimes, it's easy to say sorry without actually meaning it.. But I think this time round, I meant it from my heart.. I truly thank God for humbling me..
I do pray that this change of heart and behaviour won't be a spur-of-the-moment knee jerk reaction.. But I will really change the way I am.. Fellow brothers and sisters, do keep me in check and keep me in prayer.. =)

A joyous occasion

Today is Kevin and Carilyn's big day.. Congratulations to you two again!
It's such a joy to see people getting married.. And more so to see two fellow Christians getting hitched. And more so to be involved and helping out!
So I guess, barring my own wedding next time (Heh!), this must count as one of the more memorable weddings! For one, I was one of the brothers (xiong di) for the first time.. Thanks Kevin for asking! It definitely was fun.. Wearing blazer.. Sitting in an S-class Merc.. Going to Carilyn's place to do funny things like humming to the tune of Doraemon and making ourselves look silly.. And of course most memorable was that ice-cubed cricket thingy with wasabe that we were all supposed to eat.. That really sucks man.. But it was fun haha..
I have attended a few weddings this year.. And I guess one of the greatest things about Christian weddings is to see all the brothers and sisters working so hard to make sure everything goes on smoothly for the bride and groom. It really is the most beautiful manifestation of Christian love and fellowship. You know, now we even have a TYS (2 year series or maybe 1 year series) of emcee scripts passing around.. And some of us are seasoned wedding singers, musicians, emcees and planners! I find that really amazing.. =)
And I guess one thing that stands out from Christian weddings is that it is not only about 2 people getting married. But rather it is a display of God's work in their lives. And it is also about the people around them. The family. The fellow believers.
It is my prayer that Kevin and Carilyn will continue to encourage each other in Christ and continue to serve him as a couple! Cheers =)
Looking forward to the dinner tomorrow too...