2006/2007

It's the last day of 2006! (or rather the first day of 2007 since I din manage to complete typing this post last year)

Actually it's just another day in the calendar, just like birthdays or other holidays.. I guess it just gives us a reason to celebrate. And it does give us a reason to reflect upon the year that has passed.

Is it a good year for me? Well.. I can say that it has been generally good. I think I have grown spiritually over the year.. I think I am a more mature person. Good things happened.. I got closer to some friends.. I definitely am more active in PUNJ. And the fellowship in PUNJ has helped me a great deal in many ways.. I felt that I was not alone in my Christian walk. I learned much more about God's word. I learned to be obedient to God.

In med school, I think I am much more settled this year compared to the last.. I am a bit more comfortable with talking to patients and presenting cases to doctors.. I am a bit more "on the ball" about medicine on the whole.. In terms of reading up, in terms of clerking patients and attending clinics. I guess I still lag behind many of my peers in terms of enthusiasm for my studies and my career. To me, it is still very much about passing tests and getting through every posting smoothly and ultimately passing my final MBBS. Truthfully, I haven't given much thought to what comes after.. I told many people that I am content just being a polyclinic doctor. But I know very well that I have to be more driven.. Not to be content with just being a polyclinic doctor.. But really to work hard towards being a good doctor, be it in general practice, be it surgery, be it obs and gynae.. So perhaps, you can pray for me about this. And to give glory to God in whatever field of medicine I end up in.. And yes including ophthalmology.. =P

And yah I do need to settle my electives soon.. Still feeling a lot of inertia. Perhaps I will fail O&G and don't have to worry about electives.. haha.. See? You do have to pray for me to work hard and be more "on the ball"!

Relationships wise.. I guess I do have to work a bit harder too.. I need to love my parents more.. show them more concern.. be a more filial son.. Sometimes, I do take them for granted and overlook the numerous sacrifices they have made to see me through med school.. I guess I would have liked to grow up in a more conducive environment.. But I can't choose such things.. I can't determine the upbringing of my parents. I can't really criticise the way they have brought me up.. Cos I turned out fine! Hahaha!! But seriously, I do need to work on my relationship with my parents, cos at times, it's really hard to love them.. So pray for me too!

In recent months, I think I may have soured a few friendships.. But hopefully there were no hard feelings.. I always thought I am quite a patient person, tolerant and easy-going.. I guess this year, God reminded me that I was not as good as I thought myself to be.. That I still have a lot to learn, to obey him, to be a better person.. Sometimes, I tend to judge other people.. I become disappointed.. I become frustrated and angry.. And I become angry with myself too.. Cos I know it is wrong to judge other people.. I am not that good myself.. Who am I to judge them? Yah, so I do need to calm down at times.. I need to be less self-righteous.. And humble myself before God..

In terms of a dating relationship.. Am I allowed to talk about it here? I guess it is something which will continue to bother me for some time.. In this area, I will just say that it has been a steep learning curve for me.. At least, I am starting to think about what a Christian relationship should be like.. And what the aim of a relationship should be.. I think what differentiates a Christian r/s from a non-Christian one is that the ultimate and underlying aim is to honour God.. I guess with that in mind, what constitutes a successful or a failed relationship becomes slightly different.. Whether or not it results in a steady relationship or marriage becomes of second importance to wanting to honour God and to serve Him regardless of the outcome of the relationship. Is that too challenging? Ha.. I do find it rather challenging..

Having witnessed the wedding of HL and LC, I really think it takes a lot for a couple to come together.. And it is no less than God's love and God's will that 2 persons of different backgrounds, personalities and habits will come to like each other, to work out their differences and finally to decide to spend the rest of their earthly lives together.

For myself, I really wonder what God's will for me is.. Sometimes, I feel that perhaps I could serve God better as a single person.. But I don't know.. I really need to trust God more in this area of my life and not allow myself to be overly distracted from other equally important (I won't say more important cos I think this is rather important too.. heh..) things in my life. But I know that whether or not I remain single or get married in future, the aim is still to serve God and to worship Him..

Well, 2006 ended on a fun note! I learned 2 things today!
1. I learned what a HIP HOP JELLY ice-cream is.. It's super cool la.. It's wobbly.. and I think the name suits it.. It's cool and hip-hop haha! But I found out that the ice-cream had already been in the market for some time.. Even my mum knows.. She calls it the she tou (tongue) ice-cream.. I guess it does look like a tongue from certain angles.. I probably will be eating the she tou/hip hop jelly quite frequently this year haha!

2. I learned how to roller blade!! In 1 hour flat.. I am a fast learner! Have been wanting to learn rollerblading for some time, but always paiseh to ask people to teach me.. Supposed to play frisbee in the morning with the PUNJers today, but too few people turned up, so we ended up cycling and blading.. Blading is fun! Heh.. Just that I still do not know how to go down slope safely and to stop safely..

I think learning to rollerblade or to cycle is a lot like life isn't it? I know this sounds cliched but while I was blading, I really felt that it reflects life in some ways.. Well, when you rollerblade, if you are overly cautious, you can't move very much forward.. You can't move very fast either.. Of course, if you are too ambitious like me.. You learn it the hard way la.. You keep falling and bruising yourself.. But that's how we learn right? We fall and get up. Fall and get up.. After a while you get used to falling.. And after a while you get used to not falling.. And you will be blading.

I guess I need to practise that in 2007.. Rollerblading.. And learning to fall in life.. Every year we will set new year resolutions like I will be a better person, that things will occur smoothly.. stuff like that. But we forget that failures are part and parcel of life! Year in, year out, we will encounter setbacks.. So this year, I want to learn how to fall.. And to learn to get up..

I want to trust God and obey Him..

So take my life,
transform, renew and change me.
That I might be a living sacrifice.

Happy 2007, Guys! =)

Suffering

I think most of us struggle in life at one point or another.. Whether you are rich or poor.. Christian or non-Christian.. I think some people have the idea that once you become a Christian, life will suddenly become a bed of roses. No more sickness, no more broken relationships, no more financial hardship.. Well, I guess it is evident that that is not the case.. Although Christians do have reason to rejoice and be encouraged even in times of suffering.

Why is there suffering? I think the simple straight forward answer is Man. Man is the cause of suffering, since the time of Adam and Eve. Because Man is imperfect and always falls into sin.. So long as imperfect Man exists, I think there will always be suffering..

The more "cheem" answer would be God.. Again, there are beliefs that God is this happy, go-lucky fella who loves everyone and everything.. And there are people who think that if God is perfect and good, there cannot be suffering. And there are thoughts that suffering is not from God, only the good stuff are from God.. Well, I am not a theologian. But God is in control of everything in the world, so suffering is also from God, and He does allow suffering to take place. It would be too simplistic a view to say that all the good things come from God, and all the bad stuff are not within His control.

Yes, God is loving and good. But he is perfect and holy. He cannot pretend that Man is good. He cannot overlook the wrongs that Man has done. So a perfect and loving God can still punish Man for his sins and allow suffering to occur just like how a good father will not spare his insolent son the rod.. Having said that, not all suffering is a punishment from God..

And of course sometimes God just allows suffering to take place. And we will not know why. Cos we are not God and have no business to question His ways.

I guess this topic sprang into mind some time back when many people around me were facing problems and difficulties.. Broken relationships, study/work stress, bereavements, illnesses, or sometimes just pure "sianness" and lack of direction in life.. I think it is hard to say which problem is worse than which, cos at that particular point when that person is going through something even as mundane as work stress, it can be particularly bad and distressing to him..

I don't really know how to encourage those who are suffering right now.. I guess for myself, it is a lot easier to grapple with these issues because I believe that God is in control.. When I was a non-Christian, I had to depend a lot on myself to deal with failures and disappointments.. I had to turn my focus to another thing and try to forget about the problem.. I could pour out my troubles to a friend who is willing to listen.. I could just pull through with sheer grit.. I could just allow time to pass and mend the wounds..

Having come to know Jesus, I feel that a lot of things can be put in perspective.. My sis is going through quite a bit at the moment, struggling with some major decisions, so I thought of some of the following:
1. Suffering is from God. As above. I guess it can be an encouragement for us who believe in Jesus Christ. Cos God who is perfect, is in control so there really isn't anything to worry about. And nothing much you can do about it anyway. I just have to trust that He being perfect, knows what He is doing.

2. Suffering has a purpose. God put suffering into Christians' lives for a purpose. One of my favourite verses in the bible Romans 5:3-4 "Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance; character; and character, hope." It is only through trials that our faith in God is tested. So that if we persevere in our faith and trust in Christ, and persevere in holding on to what we believe and continue to obey Him, God will mould our character and make us mature as Christians.

3. Suffering on the cross. I don't really know how to put this. But sometimes, we just need to turn to the cross and understand how Christ's death on the cross has redeemed us and made us right with God. And this really makes what we are going through insignificant. I mean God has already saved us. If we truly are Christians. that should be our greatest comfort. So what if we fail a certain posting? So what if our business failed? Of course sometimes, this is easier said than done..

4. Suffering in hope. For those who are suffering almost everyday, facing persecution, starving, facing disasters, the bible promises the second coming of Jesus when everything will be renewed and God's people will be in God's place, a new heaven and a new earth under God's perfect rule. This is a certain hope. It is a hope in the sense that it has not arrived. But this hope is certain because God has promised it. On that day, there will be no more suffering for God's people. For those that are suffering and there seems no respite or end in sight, they can be assured of this hope..

So Christians do suffer.. We do have problems.. We do continue to fall into sin.. But we have a greater someone above who knows us and loves us.. We might not know every time why some things occur but we know that they occur according to His plans and for our own good. I don't think it is self-deceiving or self-motivating. But if we know our God, we can be assured of these things. And every time we get entrapped in a problem, we just keep going back to God in prayer and ask Him to help us and to guide us and comfort us. For me, that keeps me going in life and waking up every morning with renewed vigour.

Deezee Soon Wee

For lack of a better title to start off this post..
This will set of a series of ramblings and reflections.. Guess I just needed an avenue to talk about my life.. Some self-reflections and thinking aloud of the year that has almost passed.. For the few of you who bother to know.. Haha..

Emotionally, I guess this has been one of the better years.. I think I have been a happier person generally, though at various times (and like all other people), I lapse into periods of depression (in the layman definition of the word), uncertainty and pessimism. I thank God for this because a large part of this emotional stability can be attributed to a better knowledge of Him and coming to understand better His plans and purposes for me..

Glad to say too that I have grown and matured as a Christian this year.. Seeing things in the right perspective and setting my priorites right most of the time. Thank God for that too.. At the same time, still learning to depend on God for many many things in my life.

Perhaps part of this growth can be attributed to the acute awareness of the greater responsibilities I will be undertaking soon in the youth ministry (PUNJ). In Christian circles, we often use this word ministry.. Not quite the government sort of ministries like finance, health etc.. Ministry, if I am not wrong, means serving.. There are different ways of serving like music, leading bible studies, selling books at bookends, PA system etc..

Anyway, serving is part and parcel of being a Christian.. Not that it is a prerequisite or requirement.. But having received God's love so freely, we should show our love to fellow Christians and to God by serving in church.

When Roger approached me to join the PLT (potential leaders' training) course this year, I was quite apprehensive. I wasn't really sure whether I was ready to lead bible studies and be in charge of a group. To start with, I haven't been a very confident person all my life. In front of a crowd, I will often lose my cool and be all jittery and nervous.. At the same time, I was unable to translate my thoughts into words very efficiently.. I am also overly aware of my actions and words at times, and that prevents me from relating to people very well.. And of course, in terms of time, I am a relatively young Christian and wasn't fully confident of my bible knowledge either..

Yet at the same time, I felt that it was time to step forward to serve in PUNJ. Being in PUNJ for 2 years, I haven't done or contributed much except for being present during bible studies and helping with a few odds and ends.. Interestingly, I had prayed about serving in some capacity at the start of this year. So in a way, God has heard my prayers and given me the opportunity to serve in PUNJ.. So despite this extreme lack of confidence, I allowed myself to be led into this, only trusting in God's assessment of me and His plans for me..

But I must say attending PLT and CLOBS have been very enriching and fruitful and I have grown a lot during these few months.. Apart from being equipped with God's word and learning how to effectively lead a bible study, I am thoroughly encouraged and motivated by the people I met.. Who put so much energies and efforts into serving in church despite their busy schedules.. Who show genuine love for fellow Christians.. Who show real concern for the lives of their group members.. I was really touched and encouraged in these few months. I know that when I face tough times in future, I have no lack of role models to emulate..

I guess I will need to continue to depend on God and pray that He will help me as I make this transition from member to leader..

My most memorable marathon

These are Soon Wee's top ten tips for running your most memorable marathon.
1. Training. Adequate amount of training is the most important. Running twice a week might be sufficient.. So that you don't get too burnt out on race day..

2. It would also be nice to run a marathon in the midst of a nice relaxing posting like O&G.. so that while training for the marathon whenever you can, you don't have to think too much about settling mini-cexes and write-ups and SOPs.

3. Eat well before the race. Make sure you eat lots of junk like chicken wings, fried bee hoon, durian puffs, otak etc.. Then you can be sure that your bowels will be well worked out..

4. Sleep well. Make sure you have adequate rest. That means at least 6 hours of sleep.. That means you sleep at 12am and wake up at 545am in time to make the starting line at 6am.

5. Punctuality. Punctuality is the key if you want to get a good starting position. But nowadays it's fashionable to be late. Starting at 615am when all the rest have started running at 6am will be a good time to aim for. Then at least you wont have to jostle with hundreds of smelly bodies.

6. In case you are really running late, it will be nice to have a powerful car with lots of horsepower and acceleration to bring you to your starting line.. A Hyundai Matrix is not bad for a start.

7. A warm-up before the start of the race is mandatory.. A 500 metre sprint to the starting line to explain to the officials why you are late and to plead with them to let you start running would be the best way to warm up your muscles..

8. Be sure to skip your breakfast so that you can make your money worth by having a concoction of bananas, power gels, water and energy drinks along the way.

9. To top it off, you might as well don't clear your bowels in the morning before the race because you can make full use of the numerous "pit-stops" throughout the race. Having a 5-minute pit-stop and a nice watery diarrhoea is the best way to relax your perineal muscles and to cool down your aching calves and thighs.. You can be sure you will be all raring to go after your nice little pit-stop.

10. But at the end of it all, smile always, especially in front of cameras and cheerleaders!