Deezee Soon Wee

For lack of a better title to start off this post..
This will set of a series of ramblings and reflections.. Guess I just needed an avenue to talk about my life.. Some self-reflections and thinking aloud of the year that has almost passed.. For the few of you who bother to know.. Haha..

Emotionally, I guess this has been one of the better years.. I think I have been a happier person generally, though at various times (and like all other people), I lapse into periods of depression (in the layman definition of the word), uncertainty and pessimism. I thank God for this because a large part of this emotional stability can be attributed to a better knowledge of Him and coming to understand better His plans and purposes for me..

Glad to say too that I have grown and matured as a Christian this year.. Seeing things in the right perspective and setting my priorites right most of the time. Thank God for that too.. At the same time, still learning to depend on God for many many things in my life.

Perhaps part of this growth can be attributed to the acute awareness of the greater responsibilities I will be undertaking soon in the youth ministry (PUNJ). In Christian circles, we often use this word ministry.. Not quite the government sort of ministries like finance, health etc.. Ministry, if I am not wrong, means serving.. There are different ways of serving like music, leading bible studies, selling books at bookends, PA system etc..

Anyway, serving is part and parcel of being a Christian.. Not that it is a prerequisite or requirement.. But having received God's love so freely, we should show our love to fellow Christians and to God by serving in church.

When Roger approached me to join the PLT (potential leaders' training) course this year, I was quite apprehensive. I wasn't really sure whether I was ready to lead bible studies and be in charge of a group. To start with, I haven't been a very confident person all my life. In front of a crowd, I will often lose my cool and be all jittery and nervous.. At the same time, I was unable to translate my thoughts into words very efficiently.. I am also overly aware of my actions and words at times, and that prevents me from relating to people very well.. And of course, in terms of time, I am a relatively young Christian and wasn't fully confident of my bible knowledge either..

Yet at the same time, I felt that it was time to step forward to serve in PUNJ. Being in PUNJ for 2 years, I haven't done or contributed much except for being present during bible studies and helping with a few odds and ends.. Interestingly, I had prayed about serving in some capacity at the start of this year. So in a way, God has heard my prayers and given me the opportunity to serve in PUNJ.. So despite this extreme lack of confidence, I allowed myself to be led into this, only trusting in God's assessment of me and His plans for me..

But I must say attending PLT and CLOBS have been very enriching and fruitful and I have grown a lot during these few months.. Apart from being equipped with God's word and learning how to effectively lead a bible study, I am thoroughly encouraged and motivated by the people I met.. Who put so much energies and efforts into serving in church despite their busy schedules.. Who show genuine love for fellow Christians.. Who show real concern for the lives of their group members.. I was really touched and encouraged in these few months. I know that when I face tough times in future, I have no lack of role models to emulate..

I guess I will need to continue to depend on God and pray that He will help me as I make this transition from member to leader..